MaxTPG
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Why you should never compare yourself to others

"Comparison is the death of joy."

— Mark Twain

SMXLL

Yes, sir. Mark Twain certainly nailed it there.

I hardly think there has been anyone who hasn't compared their guitar skill to friends and family. I know. I've been there.

I used to practice very intensively when I was a teenager (those were the days when you could just easily spend 3 or 4 hours of non-stop practice). Even with a lot of practice, I found it difficult to play as well as I wanted to, after comparing myself with friends and others who were also learning to play. I was pretty good with chords, but not as good with other techniques, which was pretty frustrating at times.

Back in my teens I used to compare my age with that of my favorite guitarists. I would go on and say "oh, so this guy was playing at this level when he was X years old, so I still have a couple of years to get to that level". Yes, I'm hardly the only one to think that. In fact one of my guitar teachers also thought the same way, which was pretty surprising to me since I'd never told that to anyone else and it suddenly felt very awkward.

It doesn't matter whether you compare yourself to your friends or your favorite guitarists; the outcome is always the same: nothing!

Come to think of it: what does it actually matter how fast someone gets to some level?

Well, let me tell you what I discovered somewhere along the way, which might be one of the underlying reasons why you might be comparing yourself to others (yes, it can be unconscious):

  • Comparing yourself stresses you out.

When you compare yourself with anyone else, it always feels like a competition. If you have ever been in a competition of any kind, you'll know that you do not feel comfortable. This is why top performers need to have nerves of steel to cope with this stress.

  • You develop tunnel vision.

As we established that comparing makes it a competition, sooner rather than later you tend to develop a tunnel vision in which you focus yourself on "beating the opponent". Needless to say, you do not want to disregard other areas of your life that are equally important (or more).

  • You tend to regard the other as an enemy.

Of course! Needing to beat the other one is the primary objective, so he/she becomes the enemy.

Please don't do this. There is no reason to do so, and it can even ruin friendships.

  • You see yourself as the underdog.

In most cases, this is also true. The reason to compete is because you feel like you have something to prove, and doing so you believe that you have to be as good as X or even better, and there's a very thin line between that and to seeing yourself as the underdog that has to beat the other one.

  • You don't need it.

This alone should be enough to persuade you not to compare yourself. However, it's not so easy to realize.

Understand that you want to learn to play to have fun. Competing is hardly any fun, so why would you want to go there in the first place?

I'm definitely guilty of comparing myself to others at some points in my guitar journey. What about you?

It's OK to draw inspiration from others, but not more.

If you are still not convinced about this, know that even top musicians do not compete with each other. There is no need to; the audience is not won to one side or the other anyways.

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About the author:

Max Chiossi is a rock guitarist and engineer with a laser-focused approach to teaching. You can visit my website at www.iwillteachyoutoplayguitar.com.

PaulJones9
@pauljones   8 months ago
I guess we all have been guilty of this at some point haha...But I agree that it's an unhealthy habit. You can get ideas and ispiration from others, like you say in the article, but there's no need for competition in music.
MaxTPG
@maxtpg   8 months ago
That's the spirit. Musicians are not athletes competing to see who jumps the farthest, so there's no need to have that mindset.
wknellor
@wknellor   8 months ago
Comparing yourself to others can so soon become such a bad habbit....yes I have done it aswell......I do not bother with this anymore.....instead I compare my self to myself on a frequent basis, but again not all the time, playing is above all meant to be fun and an extetion of our own feelings and emotions, the very essence of why you can not compare yourself with any other , we are all different and feel different, so comparing yourself to ...yourself once in a while is usefull to develope your own skills and expressions, this is the way to make your playing say what you want it to and make your audience feel what you are playing.....at least this works for me, .....good post and topic, players should think about this more than they do.......it can eat you away in the end if you let it....
MaxTPG
@maxtpg   8 months ago
Exactly! There seems to be a competing mindset set on everyone of us somehow, and it's important to at least control it.
Thanks for your comment!
Savo Kostic
@savo-kostic   8 months ago
I dont have this type of problems. A lot of virtuos players are sacrifice a lot of things in their life for it, so I am pretty happy with my skills atm.
MaxTPG
@maxtpg   8 months ago
That's good, man. I know I've been guilty of doing this, and it can hardly lead to good outcomes.
Flekador
@fl3k   8 months ago
Same here, I have only expected to get fun with music and with guitar playing. I have always laugh at these kind of people who constantly compare with others "to find who is better". To see the positive part of it, I think it can be a source of motivation for them to get better. :-D
Flekador
@fl3k   8 months ago
This is one of my favourite quotes from J.Krishnamurti:
"Throughout life, from childhood, from school until we die, we are taught to compare ourselves with another; yet when I compare myself with another I am destroying myself. In a school, in an ordinary school where there are a lot of boys, when one boy is compared with another who is very clever, who is the head of the class, what is actually taking place? You are destroying the boy. That’s what we are doing throughout life. Now, can I live without comparison—without comparison with anybody? This means there is no high, no low—there is not the one who is superior and the other who is inferior. You are actually what you are and to understand what you are, this process of comparison must come to an end. If I am always comparing myself with some saint or some teacher, some businessman, writer, poet, and all the rest, what has happened to me—what have I done? I only compare in order to gain, in order to achieve, in order to become—but when I don’t compare I am beginning to understand what I am. Beginning to understand what I am is far more fascinating, far more interesting; it goes beyond all this stupid comparison".
MaxTPG
@maxtpg   8 months ago
I've read a few quotes from Krishnamurti. That one is very inspiring!

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